Fix the Problem, Not the Blame
October 28, 2016
By Rick Warren
You only have a certain amount of emotional energy. In a conversation
where you’re trying to resolve conflict, you can either use that energy
to fix the blame or you can use that energy to fix the problem. You
don’t have enough energy to do both. So you’ve got to ask yourself
what’s more important, to blame the other person or to resolve the
conflict.
Fix the problem, not the blame.
Every married couple needs some ground rules for fighting fair and words you’re just not going to use. There are some things you should never, ever say in a marriage — they’re “weapons of mass destruction”.
During the Cold War, when the Soviet Union and the United States were opposed to each other, the U.S. had thousands of intercontinental missiles aimed at the Soviets. We could destroy the entire Union. At the same time, Soviet Russia had thousands of intercontinental missiles aimed at us, too. They could destroy the United Sates. Even when we were at the worst point in the Cold War and there was enormous tension, both sides still had enough sanity to say, some weapons we just aren’t going to use because they’re “MAD” — mutually assured destruction. If you use yours, we’re going to use ours, and we’re going to destroy each other. So even when we were on opposite sides of an issue, we could at least agree not to use those weapons.
In the same way, you should never resort to relational “weapons of mass destruction” your marriage, such as threatening divorce or threatening to walk out or bringing up somebody’s parents. You have to agree that no matter how upset you are with each other, those words are off limits, because they destroy the relationship by tearing down trust.
The Bible is very specific about what’s out of bounds. Colossians 3:8 says, “Now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips” (NIV). Those are like weapons of mass destruction.
The reason we fix the problem and not the blame is because blaming is a form of judging, and only God has the right to judge. You’re not the judge. You can’t figure out anybody else’s motivation. You don’t know your own motivation most of the time! Only God knows. Let him be the judge, so you can focus on fixing the problem.
By Rick Warren
“Now you must also rid yourselves of all
such things as these: anger, rage, malice,
slander, and filthy language from your lips” (Colossians 3:8 NIV).
You only have a certain amount of emotional energy. In a conversation
where you’re trying to resolve conflict, you can either use that energy
to fix the blame or you can use that energy to fix the problem. You
don’t have enough energy to do both. So you’ve got to ask yourself
what’s more important, to blame the other person or to resolve the
conflict.Fix the problem, not the blame.
Every married couple needs some ground rules for fighting fair and words you’re just not going to use. There are some things you should never, ever say in a marriage — they’re “weapons of mass destruction”.
During the Cold War, when the Soviet Union and the United States were opposed to each other, the U.S. had thousands of intercontinental missiles aimed at the Soviets. We could destroy the entire Union. At the same time, Soviet Russia had thousands of intercontinental missiles aimed at us, too. They could destroy the United Sates. Even when we were at the worst point in the Cold War and there was enormous tension, both sides still had enough sanity to say, some weapons we just aren’t going to use because they’re “MAD” — mutually assured destruction. If you use yours, we’re going to use ours, and we’re going to destroy each other. So even when we were on opposite sides of an issue, we could at least agree not to use those weapons.
In the same way, you should never resort to relational “weapons of mass destruction” your marriage, such as threatening divorce or threatening to walk out or bringing up somebody’s parents. You have to agree that no matter how upset you are with each other, those words are off limits, because they destroy the relationship by tearing down trust.
The Bible is very specific about what’s out of bounds. Colossians 3:8 says, “Now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips” (NIV). Those are like weapons of mass destruction.
The reason we fix the problem and not the blame is because blaming is a form of judging, and only God has the right to judge. You’re not the judge. You can’t figure out anybody else’s motivation. You don’t know your own motivation most of the time! Only God knows. Let him be the judge, so you can focus on fixing the problem.
When Lies Take Your Heart Captive - Encouragement for Today
October 25, 2016
“We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the
knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ.” 2 Corinthians 10:5 (ESV)
Tolerable. This coffee will have to do today. I knew I
was beyond the point of hoping for a better brew as I grabbed the
Styrofoam cup and pushed the button on the coffee machine in the
hospital waiting room.
I swirled an unusual amount of creamer and the contents of several tiny
yellow packets into my cup and sipped twice before making my way back
to my chair.
My daughter snuggled close as I wrapped one arm around her and held my
lukewarm, barely tolerable cup of brown water at a distance. We were
waiting, once again, for tests we prayed would give us solid answers. We
were also waiting for the sun to come up; I wasn’t sure either was
going to happen today.
My mind ran backward over days and weeks of discovering and managing
her chronic illness. The intensity had been relentless. To top it off, I
was worn thin from being awake all night and fighting a raging battle
in my heart. The conversation went something like this:
How could you not know she was sick?
What can I do to fix it?
A good mom would know the answers. What is wrong with you?
What can I do to fix it?
A good mom would know the answers. What is wrong with you?
I returned to the present moment when our name was finally called, and
soon a group of nurses settled my daughter in pre-op. With a few seconds
to breathe, I looked at my phone, which seemed like a safe place to
rest my eyes. I was surprised to see multiple messages from friends.
First I heard Liz’s voice.
“Stacey, I believe the Lord wants me to tell you right now, ‘You are a good mom.’”
My hand went to my mouth and I lowered my head in disbelief. How did she know I needed to hear these exact words in this moment? I
bit my lip to keep from dissolving into an ugly cry. It worked —
barely. She couldn’t have known the enemy was ambushing my heart,
working to convince me I should win the award for worst mom of the year.
Other lies had piled on as well. The accuser lied that my mess was too much for my friends … and too much for Jesus too.
While a current was pulling me under and away from shore, Liz’s words
pulled me out and brought me in just in time. When I stopped to consider
what she said, the Lord reminded me that even though I was tempted to
hide in the middle of my fresh-out-of-amazing moment and let the enemy
take my heart captive, Jesus was not having it. My mess was not too much
for Him. He was right there with me the whole time.
And my friends? They were loving and supporting me as well.
I may not know what the future holds with my daughter’s chronic
illness, but as we continue to make slow progress, I will hold these
powerful truths close to my heart.
“Maybe you can relate on some level.” Do you think your mess is too
much for Jesus? Are you wrapped in a bunch of lies about your own
inadequacies that weigh you down and wear you out?
Can I encourage you with this thought? Jesus doesn’t sit across the
table from you or me saying the situation is beyond His pay grade. He
leans in close, looks into our eyes, and says, “I will not cast you off, sweet girl. Not ever.”
Jesus is our patient friend. Sometimes He speaks boldly through our
sisters in Christ. Other times, He speaks directly to us with truth from
His Word. Either way, when you’re tempted to believe one lie, or maybe
three, charge back with God’s truth instead.
Every thought. Every emotion. Every lie. Take them captive to obey
Christ. Replace them with truth. When we do, they have no chance.
Dear God, nothing is impossible for You. Thank You for speaking
words of truth over our hearts in the most loving and compassionate way.
In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
A Prayer for When You Feel God Has Abandoned You Daily Prayer - October 24, 2016
By Lori Schumaker
The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? – Jeremiah 17:9 NIV
The world misleads us and tells us “Follow your heart” or “Go with your feelings.” But our hearts and our feelings are not stable. They sway with the events of each day. They can mislead us as they vacillate and often walk us into the depths of deception and pain.
Why would we follow what is unstable, inconsistent, and unreliable? Why
wouldn’t we instead choose to follow an unchanging Truth? The Truth of
God.As I began pouring out in prayer every gut wrenching emotion in my heart, God began revealing truth.
If you are in that place of hurting, in that place where you feel as though God has left your side, I urge you to continue pursuing deep relationship with Jesus by incorporating these 6 strategies into your everyday life. I promise, a day will come where you will once again feel His presence and see His handiwork.
1. Pray boldly and authentically. Pour out all that lies in the heart.
2. Listen for His answers. Sometimes we speak and do too much, drowning out the subtle voice of Jesus.
3. Praise God for all He is! Gratitude and praise are powerful weapons against pain.
4. Worship Him even when it’s difficult. Maintaining a life of worship keeps our hearts in tune with Him.
5. Read God’s Word keeping it sealed in the heart. Learn of the hope within those pages.
6. Contradict feelings with Truth. Taking every feeling before the Word of God. Rewriting it with the light of His Truth will bring healing and show the traces of God’s hand in each step.
Today, I pray you continue to pursue Him until laughter once again fills your home. And that each time your feelings begin to unhinge the Truth, you stand strong, faithfully reclaiming what is yours. God is for you. He is there with you. And He will never leave you.
Pray with me:
Lord, thank you that you promise never to leave us and never to forsake us. Help me have wisdom to see clearly that just because I don’t feel Your presence, doesn’t mean you’re not with me always. Help me have peace that comes from knowing the Truth of Your word to me today – you will never leave your children or give up on them. Help me live a life that honors You and points others toward You. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
Exceedingly, Abundantly, Above and Beyond
October 12, 2016
by Joyce Meyer
God…is able to [carry out His purpose and] do superabundantly, far over and above all that we [dare] ask or think [infinitely beyond our highest prayers, desires, thoughts, hopes, or dreams].
—Ephesians 3:20
—Ephesians 3:20
When I pray about or simply meditate on all the people who are hurting, I have a strong desire to help them all. I sometimes feel that my desire is bigger than my ability, and it is—but it is not bigger than God's ability! When the thing we are facing in our lives or ministries looms so big in our eyes that our mind goes "tilt," we need to think in the spirit.
In the natural, many things are impossible. But in the supernatural, spiritual realm, with God nothing is impossible. God wants us to believe for great things, make big plans, and expect Him to do things so great it leaves us with our mouths hanging open in awe. James 4:2 tells us we have not because we ask not! We can be bold in our asking.
Sometimes in my meetings people will approach the altar for prayer and sheepishly ask if they can request two things. I tell them they can ask God for all they want to, as long as they trust Him to do it His way, in His timing. It is untold what people can do—people who don't appear to be able to do anything.
God does not usually call people who are capable. If He did, He would not get the glory. He frequently chooses those who, in the natural, feel as if they are in completely over their heads but who are ready to stand up on the inside and take bold steps of faith as they get direction from God. We usually want to wait until we "feel ready" before we step out, but if we feel ready then we tend to lean on ourselves instead of on God.
Know your weaknesses and know God—know His strength and faithfulness. Above all else, don't be a quitter.
A Prayer for When You Fear Dying
Daily Prayer - October 7, 2016
By: Rick Warren
“For only as a human being could he die, and only by dying could he
break the power of the devil, who had the power of death. Only in this
way could he set free all who have lived their lives as slaves to the
fear of dying” (Hebrews 2:14b-15 NLT, second edition).One of the things Jesus came to Earth to do is take away your fear of death. How? By dying on the cross and being resurrected to show that there is life after death.
The Bible says in Hebrews 2:14-15, “For only as a human being could he die, and only by dying could he break the power of the devil, who had the power of death. Only in this way could he set free all who have lived their lives as slaves to the fear of dying” (NLT, second edition).
God wants to break the fear of dying in your life. Instead of looking to your pain here on Earth, God wants you to look to him and the hope of Heaven. And, he wants you to help those who are dying to do the same.
When someone is dying, you need to encourage him to do what David did: “Death laid a trap in my path. But in my distress I cried out to the Lord” (Psalm 18:5b-6a). Have you ever done that? Have you cried out to the Lord for his grace and mercy and accepted his offer of salvation? You can’t offer to other people what you haven’t received yourself. If you haven’t settled the issue of your salvation, you’re gambling with your eternity.
If you were to die today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to Heaven? If you’re not sure or answered “no,” you need to settle the issue right now so that you can be assured of life after death and point your friends to the hope of Heaven.
Pray this prayer today: “Dear God, you are God, and I’m not. You sent Jesus to be my Savior, so I must need to be saved. I need you to forgive the things I’ve done wrong in life. I need you to give me a fresh start in life. I need you to help me know my purpose. I want to begin a relationship with you. I ask you to come into my life. I want to learn to trust you. I want to learn to love you. I want to learn to love other people the way you want me to. So I ask you today with humility and honesty and sincerity to please save me as I put my trust in you. I pray this prayer in Jesus’ Name. Amen.”
Where God’s sovereignty meets your responsibility
October 6
I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the growth. So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God who gives the growth.
>1 Corinthians 3:6–7
A farmer bought a brand new piece of land that was nothing but dirt and weeds. He worked it for years, weeding, plowing, fertilizing, and planting. Then one day, his work paid off as he began to harvest an abundance of crops that he was going to sell.As he was on his tractor, a fellow church member stopped by. The farmer stepped down and walked over to greet his friend. They talked awhile and the church member said, “Well, the Lord sure has given you a great crop here.” And with a twinkle in his eye that farmer said, “Yeah, but you should’ve seen it when the Lord had it all by Himself!”
When it comes to the work of the ministry, it’s important to understand that while God is the one who ultimately gets the glory, He’s invited us to actively participate in His sovereign plan. That means we can’t just sit around and say, “God will take care of it all.” He’s called you to play a key role!
Don’t let the sovereignty of God be an excuse for passiveness. Actively engage the ministry God has given you, knowing that while He’s the one who ultimately gets the glory, you’re a crucial part of that equation as well!
A Prayer of Rejoicing for God’s Blessings
Daily Prayer - October 5, 2016
The work of the Lord is unmistakable. The land, sky and sea proclaim his person and his power - and then it gets personal. God meets us right where we are and takes us to the places he wants us to be. He lifts "the needy out of their affliction." He brings spiritual blessings.
Those who don't follow God are confused. They are book smart, but lack wisdom. They have no mental compartment for the supernatural. They have no place in their hearts for the divine. When the wicked see the works of God, they can only stand in silence.
Father, thank you for intervening in my life and allowing me to have a personal relationship with you. Thank you for your love for me today and forever. Thank you for the blessings you’ve given me and my family. Help us use those blessings to bless others. May I live a life of true joy as I see you at work around me today! In Jesus' name. Amen.
A Prayer for Guidance from the Holy Spirit
Daily Prayer - October 4,2016
By Kenny LuckAnd do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased. – Hebrews 13:16
One of the Holy Spirits tasks is to experientially validate for every believer God’s awesome love, acceptance, and encouragement toward each of His children. We “taste and see” that the Lord is good through the Holy Spirit, bringing his goodness to us (Psalm 34:8). We sense it and feel it deeply. We love how the Holy Spirit takes the intellectual concepts of love, mercy and grace of God and makes them practical and experiential.
Lord, I pray you would move the Spirit more boldly in my life. I know that any sin can grieve and diminish the voice of the Spirit, and I pray against the temptation to sin. Help me crave your presence more than I crave sin. Help me grow in the fruit of the Spirit and so walk closer with Yourself. I pray for guidance from your Spirit- let your will and promises always be a meditation of my heart. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
A Prayer for Forgiving Those Who Hurt You
Daily Prayer - October 3, 2016
“We know that our old life died with Christ on the cross so that our sinful selves would have no power over us.” -Romans 6:6a, NCVRomans 6:6 says, “We know that our old life died with Christ on the cross so that our sinful selves would have no power over us” (NCV). What does “our sinful selves would have no power over us” mean? It means our natural inclination is to do the wrong thing.
My natural inclination when you hurt me is to hurt you back. My natural inclination when you say something bad against me is say something bad against you and hold on to it and never forgive you. All of the things that I’m naturally inclined to do actually make it worse.
But we can break that bondage to bitterness, that bondage to guilt, that bondage to resentment, that bondage to worry. We can keep from becoming slaves to the past and hurtful memories. We can choose to forgive.
want you to think of the person you need to forgive, the person whose offense planted a seed of bitterness in you, and I want you to pray this prayer right now:
Father, only you understand how much I’ve been hurt by this person. I don’t want to carry the pain for another second. I don’t want to be a bitter person. But I need your grace and the power of the cross to release my hurt and to forgive those who’ve hurt me. This is the turning point. First, I need to experience your forgiveness. You know all the ways I’ve hurt others, and I’m so sorry for my sins. Jesus, thank you for dying for me. I accept your grace and forgiveness, and I need it daily. Today I’m turning to you, and I’m choosing to forgive the way you have forgiven me. Every time the memory comes back, I’ll forgive that person again until the pain is gone. Heal my heart with your grace. In Jesus’ name. Amen.
Give It to God
Daily Prayer - September 30,2016
Lauren Miramonti
Have you ever been so worried that you couldn't sleep? Maybe your job is really stressful or a family member is sick. Worrying is a natural reaction, but lingering on it is unhealthy to both your spirit and your mind. You can waste hours doing nothing but thinking about the possibilities when worrying won't fix it. After all: Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? (Matthew 6:28)
Worry
comes from fear of outcomes. We want things to turn out well and are
afraid of them turning out badly. The good news is that God can give you
peace of mind. All you have to do is pray. In your own words, ask him
to help your situation and to take your worries away. The next step is
to actually let go of those thoughts. He can't take them if you continue
to cling to worry and think about all the possibilities. Trust that God
is powerful enough to handle them and remember: The Lord is with me; I
will not be afraid. (Psalm 118:6a
) God knows how it will end. Trust Him to guide you in the way that is
right. Trust that no matter what happens, He will take care of you. If
you can truly let go of worrying thoughts, God is fully able to give you
peaceful thoughts to replace them. And if you find yourself worrying
again, remind yourself that God is in control.
Key Verses to Remember
Memorize some verses about worrying and fear:
Amen
Lauren is a freelance writer in Springfield, Missouri.
Have you ever been so worried that you couldn't sleep? Maybe your job is really stressful or a family member is sick. Worrying is a natural reaction, but lingering on it is unhealthy to both your spirit and your mind. You can waste hours doing nothing but thinking about the possibilities when worrying won't fix it. After all: Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? (Matthew 6:28)
Key Verses to Remember
Memorize some verses about worrying and fear:
- Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. (Matthew 11:28-30 ESV)
- Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. (John 14:27 ESV)
- Cast your burden on the Lord,and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved. (Psalm 55:22 ESV)God knows how it will end
- Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. (Psalm 23:4 ESV)
- When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. (Psalm 56:3 ESV)
- Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. (Proverbs 3:5-6 ESV)
- When you feel anxious, reflect on the reassuring words. The Israelites, God's chosen people, wandered in the desert for 40 years. God took care of them the whole time, and He still had to remind them of it later. Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. (Isaiah 41:10 ESV)
Amen
Lauren is a freelance writer in Springfield, Missouri.
A Prayer for When You Don't Feel Like Praising God - Your Daily Prayer - September 29, 2016
Mary SoutherlandAnd the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:7, NIV
Praise does not depend on an understanding of the circumstance or trial. Praise depends on an understanding of who God really is and wants to be in our life, and on our willingness to put our faith in Him.
As humans, we will never fully understand God – this side of heaven. God is holy and without blemish. God is all-powerful and omniscient. He is Creator of the universe and yet lives in you and me at our invitation. He is the only true, living God!
I learned that I couldn’t depend on my own strength or my fickle emotions. God often asked me to praise Him when there didn’t seem to be a whole lot to praise him for. I didn’t feel like praising Him. I began to understand that praise is not a feeling.
Praise is a choice, a step of obedience taken without the assurance of a changed circumstance or the elimination of a trial.
Praise focuses on God, not the circumstance, and fixes its gaze on God’s truth and God’s character instead of on the trial at hand.
Praise begins and ends with faith in the very nature, personality and integrity of God … and that never changes.
No matter what lies ahead, God is faithful. No matter how hot the fiery trial may be, God is with us and will deliver us in it or from it.
So praise God! Thank Him today for every victory tomorrow holds.
Let's Pray
Father, I praise You today for all that You have done in my life. You are faithful even when I am faithless. Your love pursues me even when I am unlovable. Your forgiveness covers my sin and frees me from its penalty. I praise You for your love and faithfulness to me. Your presence in my life changes everything, empowering me to live each moment of every day, content in knowing You are in control. As I face today, Lord, remind me that no matter what happens, I can praise You!
In Jesus' Name,
Amen.
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